Ladies, this is all it takes to be a man

I was thinking that many of you are tired of real life and its daily mishaps. So I decided to share these. An old friend of mine sent these to me. And suddenly I feel...uummm... yeah, enlightened.
CK ain't nothin but love for you... and I'm sure you are in compliance... thus a "Total Man"?!?
In a nutshell, Men are (as in to be or not to be) if they adhere to the following 28 rules. Did I get this right, CK? Guys?


1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella, unless at rugby, and your biltong is getting wet, then, for the eating period only, it is permissible.
2. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss'car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game". i.e. When she is using her teeth.
3. Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates.
4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5. If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.
8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9. When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10.You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11.It is permissible to quaff a fruity Alco pop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.
12.Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.
13.Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game (can explain offside or LBW) and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just greedy.
19. If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
22. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal 'drunken monkey sex', the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was, occurs.
25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, orange or sky blue.
27. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets a Play station II. End of story.
28. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics.Ever.

Written and Complied by Charles.

Of Doctors and wannabes

If this were my doctor, or had been treating any of my loved ones, I would have to find him. I'm unclear as to why the nurses were hiding patients, instead of filing a misconduct report or wahtever their hospital regulations might be. A doctor nicknames "Dr. Death" or Dr. Ecoli" surely should not be exposed to any patients that hope to see the light of another day.

Read about Dr. Patel. I'm sorry all Dr. PAtel's, just in case one of you is the guy in this article, no Dr. Patel's for me.

http://today.reuters.com/news/newsArticle.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyID=2005-05-25T143657Z_01_SYD303897_RTRIDST_0_ODD-AUSTRALIA-DOCTOR-DC.XML

Are you aware of this?

I think this is a good research point. If its as good as it sounds, then they have my support. But first I need plenty of questions answered. Good idea might I add!

http://www.nationmedia.com/dailynation/nmgcontententry.asp?category_id=3&newsid=49728

Mommy, Mommy, where is the lake?

Stranger than fiction I tell you!

And that old woman, blaming it on the Americans? I wonder why she feels that way... Far fetched or earned accusation... which is it?

http://today.reuters.com/news/newsArticle.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyID=2005-05-19T171502Z_01_L19104638_RTRIDST_0_ODD-ODD-RUSSIA-LAKE-DC.XML

More positive news

It appears that there may actually be some tunnels that have started to see some light...

http://www.eastandard.net/hm_news/news.php?articleid=20588

Blatant Racism

Some stuff annoys me, then it just depresses me. This racism stuff is so old it needs to rest. I'm torn between wishing I felt it as a reality versus my current situation, which is to feel like an outside observer being afflicted by it too. Its weird how a racist action, such as being followed in a store, just for being black has no effect on me other than to wish the perpetrator would 'elevate' and stop being so shallow. Not so with an American bred black person. Its personal and they get actively angry. This may be better than my passive 'maybe anger' thing. At least they recognize what they feel. I don't know about you all but I don't grasp this concept on any level. I see it, I recognize it, but I don't get it.

Anyway, this Lockheed Martin business has me riled up. I am completely broken to note that the society, under Bush's regime has become very bold in the face of racism. I mean what does it mean, to argue, that these shootings, these murders were not racially motivated because 1 white guy was murdered too. Please note, the fact that he was killed after being called a "nigger lover" and trying to act as a human shield between the murderer and another black guy carried no weight. None at all. This is not a racially motivated shooting spree.

And please pay no attention to the fact that there had been numerous complaints filed by HR and executives against this guy. All racist comments, including murder threats. Isn't this illegal on any aspect. Can someone define 'hostile working environment'? What is this BS? I feel completely offended that this is debatable. Completely. At least in the days of slavery, they didn't treat us as fools. They just made it clear what it is that they think of us.

You know what else I want to know, since these Lockheed Martin 'thingi' thrives on government contracts, which translates to taxpayers money, which includes black people's hard earned dollars... When do these contracts get cancelled? Never? Ohh, they are Bush's cronies they can do whatever. I have a few choice words for here. But just in case an underage person is reading this and the Christian current government is all about morals... Yeah morals... Someone ask them to SHUT UP!

Anyway, here is the link to why I'm torn between being livid and throwing in the towel...

http://abcnews.go.com/Primetime/story?id=749286&page=1

International Baccalaureate (IB) Anti-Christian?

All ex-IB people, Saints and the newer IB schools.

Is the International Baccalaureate (IB) Anti-Christian? Or have Americans just gone crazy again. Is this an American syndrome, antagonize everything? And can you please think about what the Theory of Knowledge (TOK) teaches and how this people fighting against IB emulates TOK in practice. Irony.

From a religious standpoint, surely, what does it mean, when we portray Christianity as being against self expression and independent thinking? And we dare to act surprised that people think being Christian is dumb? Why do Christians insist on persecuting themselves?

There's your link

http://www.citypages.com/databank/26/1275/article13267.asp

Here's what Africa is Saying

I thought it might be great to read what the rest of Africa thinks about Mrs. Lucy Kibaki. Its nice to see there's a balance between people who think she is right and those who disagree...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/4522951.stm

Where's Dave Chappelle?

What does it mean when the great stars of the US start to check themselves into hospitals in Africa? Not so third world anymore?

I'm a Chappelle lover. Hope he comes out of this one feeling great! We need more of those crazy stunts. Did anyone watch the nigger family on the Chappelle show?

http://www.ew.com/ew/report/0,6115,1059677_3_0_,00.html

Appropriate Action

So much has been said about Lucy Kibaki's actions. My friends and I got into a very interesting conversation about whether Kibaki or a memeber of his family should have made a public comment. I am under the opinion, 'absolutely not!' This is one of those things you let the public discuss until they beat the animal to death. I personally feel that there is nothing one could say that could fix an action involving a criminal activity, the slap on the journalist's face. I think it would be a very unwise decision to in any way, make the president responsible for his wife's actions. I think that any comment from his family would be an indication of them taking some kind of responsibility.

Truth be told, this woman is most probably clinically insane. ...I didn't think I would hear too much noise against that comment. As a family, Kibaki's household must be in chaos already. This is one of those private situations for all and what a nightmare when the family insanity becomes public. Now can you imagine how much worse when the woman is the first lady? Again, since her position is not elected nor nominated, its default, how much weight should all this carry with the general public? Are we being fair by asking why Kibaki lets this happen? What I want to know is why the driver actually drove her to the Nation house. And more so, why her bodyguards followed her there. Isn't part of providing security for her supposed to be they knowing her proposed destination before hand? What if she found a major robbery going on at the Nation House and got shot down by panicked thugs? These 'Bodyguards' need training.

My friends disagree. They think anyone from Kibaki's family should say something, anything. So that the public feels that the issue hasn't been ignored. In all fairness, if this was a regular mama on the loose, mum and wife to an everyday nobody, wouldnt she probably be in Mathare or whatever psych unit her family could afford for her? Would her husband need to offer a public apology? Isn't this where we all as a nation have to elevate and just see the situation for what it is. Take the drama out and deal with the hard facts? All I am asking is, who is responsible for Lucy's actions, Lucy or Kibaki?

And now that Lucy has gone on and filed an official complaint, can you imagine if someone had taken responsibilty for her actions? Would they have to keep fixing/patching situations that she created? For how long?

The Standard paper finally had some positive news. The treasury finally reported a surplus. Yes the very same country. And of interest to note is that the government cut down on an approximate 25M by reducing spending on perks and entertainment for its ministers. Amongst other contributers, better tax collection seemed to be of major effect. I like to acknowledge a good start. So Kudos on this milestone. However, what measures have been put in place to make sure this trend continues - uninterrupted- I would like to know. Interruptions in developing places like this include dipping sticky fingers into money pots. So who is watching, who is accountable and who is responsible for making public, public expenditure. After all it is tax payers money, and everyone deserves to know how their hard earned shillings are being spent.
Read the whole article here if interested.
http://www.eastandard.net/mags/fs/news.php?articleid=19989

As a sidenote, am I impressed or what? That KTN journalist who was slapped by the first lady proceeded to file a police report and demand action. I am not stupid, thus not holding my breath for any action to follow. But I like the fact that the Standard did not let all this go away like it never happened. And by filing a complaint, he allows us to ask Brigadier Ali, "what have you done about that criminal activity practised by the first Lady..."